Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. ~Author Unknown

We are under a lot of pressure to navigate and control our emotions. We are told to express our emotions fully, but also to focus on the positive. But what happens when we are feeling our emotions fully, but they are “negative”? With these mixed messages, it’s no wonder that people cover up or run away from their feelings.

The truth is, we are never going to get rid of sadness, or hurt, or anger. But we can change the way that we approach those emotions when they – inevitably – come up. Pema Chodron, a Buddhist teacher and author, writes:

Feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.

There’s a basic procedure for harnessing the power of our emotions:

1. The first step is to learn how to identify your emotions. Where and how do they live in your body? What behaviors or actions do you take when a particular emotion comes up for you?
2. Once you have identified them, approach your emotions as an opportunity for learning. What is the message or “call to action” that they are trying to communicate to you? You can channel the emotion, which may not necessarily be pleasant, into something that brings you a sense of fulfillment. Staying present to an emotion, though certainly uncomfortable at times, is often what is needed to help it fade away.

Here are a couple of common “negative” emotions, and suggestions for how to interpret their signals, and how to use them as an opportunity for growth:

• Anger is an uncomfortable emotion for many people – particularly because we live in a society that links anger with stories of fear and violence. Next time anger comes up for you, instead of pushing it down, try to stay present in the anger, but try interpreting the “call” that anger brings as a simple signal to you that one of your boundaries has been crossed. Perhaps someone did something that didn’t align with your values, or you overextended yourself and now are feeling resentful.

• Often, guilt can be a signal from your body to let you know that you have not lived up to one of your own standards. According to Anodea Judith, guilt “allows us to examine our behavior before, during or after our actions.” When you notice guilt arise in your body, view it as an opportunity to identify which of your standards have been violated. You may find that you are holding yourself to an unrealistic expectation and, once you realize that, you can simply allow the guilt to fade away. You may also face the hard truth that you did make some sort of mistake, and can then take appropriate action to make amends.

• Sadness, though uncomfortable, is often present to let us know that there is something to be learned from the outcome of a certain situation. Perhaps you have experienced a rupture in one of your relationships, or something didn’t go the way you expected. Try to identify the “dream” behind the sadness – what were you aiming for, and what is important to you? Identifying the values that are motivating your sadness can help you clarify, and eventually move in the direction of, your goals.

Remember that the process of interpreting your emotions is not always enjoyable – you may come face to face with sensations and truths that you have been avoiding. If at any point you feel overwhelmed, or are not sure what to do next, you can always consult a therapist who can help guide you through your process.

When you are willing to embrace the entire spectrum of your emotions, you will be on the path to lead a richer, fuller and more meaningful life.